Wolf Would Be 16 Today

Wolf was born 16 years ago today on October 8, 2010 at 11:02 am. He was 9 pounds 11 ounces. This morning I would have gone into his room to wake him up by crawling into his bed and singing him the birthday song from “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” like I’ve done every morning on his birthday.

This morning though wouldve been special because he couldn’t wait to turn 16. He would get ready for school and we’d be late because I would let him drive us to Starbucks for his caramel ribbon crunch Frappuccino and double smoked bacon breakfast sandwich. We’d be listening to some new rap song he discovered and I would pretend to like it.

Like every year, I would tell him the story of when he was born. How I

listened to this Rolling Stones song on repeat because it felt like I was waiting forever to meet him. How I still remember the first time I heard his cry. How his grandma cut his umbilical cord. How his grandpa yelled at the nurse through the hospital window to support his head better. How I woke up in the middle of night at the hospital and he wasn’t beside me and I panicked, walked out of the room and down the hallway to find the nurse holding him because she wanted to show all the other nurses and doctors how beautiful he was. How the following day when the doctor hooked up wires to his body for the sensory tests, he was already so strong at 2 days old he pulled them off of himself. How I celebrated my 23rd birthday in our hospital room and he was the best birthday present ever. How he soiled through all of the clothes that I packed him because he drank too much milk and I couldn’t produce enough to feed the monster. How hard I cried when we were finally alone because I loved him so much it amazed me. How I had never felt love like that.

A couple weeks before he passed away, he asked me if I was proud of him, I told him I was and how good he was, what a great friend he is to everyone, and how If I could choose anyone to be my child I would choose him- and how lucky I am that the universe brought him to me. I know he knew how loved he was. I just have so much love left to give him that it’s excruciating. Love you baby.